Oops I did it again

Richie totally reminded me of my previously terrible record with animals. My rabbit being eaten by an owl doesn't even come in first place in my little shop of horrors believe it or not. Disclaimer all of this took place before the age of 15, so don't judge me too harshly. Okay so here's my confession. When I was 11 I didn't latch my hamster cage properly and my little hammie got out. Unfortunately, this was the same week that our heater vents had been taken off to be polished. This being winter the heat was on full blast. There was literally black puff balls blowing around the house. I incinerated my first pet. Let's move on, shall we? There was the parakeet, who I one day, after watching some inane Sunday morning cartoon, decided needed to be free. I took my ol' Petey out of the cage and threw him up into the air rather dramatically, whispering gently "fly, fly, fly!" Sad to say my 12 year old brain didn't understand the concept of low ceilings and velocity when thrusting a 8 oz bird at a speed of 30 miles into a 6 foot clearing. Petey hit the ceiling and was out like a light for a good 15 minutes. The next morning he was dead. I had a pet rat once too, to round off my small animal experience. I was playing with the rat on my bed and then forgot about him. The next morning, it's stiff corpse lay smashed beneath my right side. I had a cat for about 15 minutes. Literally, a friend dropped her off to me and the second she drove out of my driveway the little kitty jumped out of my arms, never to be seen again. Eh I don't really like cats that much anyway. But the shitty part was like this kitten was the spawn of my friends beloved pets and she would ask for updates, and even pictures. So sometimes I would take pictures of random ass cats that looked close enough. Sometimes she would be like, oh I don't remember that white patch. I went with this charade for 2 years. I'm sick I know, and possibly as as child, had a predispositoin to become some type of serial killer.

I've been waiting for you to say it, but I guess I will

So you got a fancy phone, but nobody calls

The Science of Sleep

Oh my God. I just slept for 12 hours. I woke up feeling like a someone jumped on my head during this slumber. There is no food in the house and getting out of the car, or walking further than where my car is parked out front, is not an option. I think the headache is from not having eaten anything for the last 16 hours. This might be the first sleep related injury.

That bitch you spent your money with, is the bitch you need to be with - Neighborhood Crackhead

You heard it here first. Love advice from a crackhead at midnight. I was walking my doggie and this crackhead couple, going through a rocky patch, came walking down the street in the midst of a lover's tiff. I'm so fascinated by this. Crackhead relationship dynamics that is. That fact that people who I presume have trust issues, some of it reasonably earned, can be in relationships while I am totally inept in my romantic endeavors never ceases to amaze me. I mean I would like to believe that if I were a crackhead I would want to hang out with maybe say a heroin addict. Why have some mooch with you to smoke all your shit, right?! Am I right? But maybe there's a lesson to be learned from this. Maybe we should all be with people who have similiar life goals, shared desires, and dreams. Also I guess its comforting to be with someone who kind of has seen you at your worse, and is still rolling with it. This writer on Nerve wrote about friends vs. lovers that "part of snagging a man means pretending to be perfect until he falls in love with you, whereupon you reveal yourself to be the asshole that you really are. There are few things more satisfying than being with people who know you're a giant asshole, but love you anyway." So yeah maybe we should all do some serious self reflection about our worst qualities and find a mirror of that in someone else. Brilliant isn't it!

i was in love with a girl on lsd
she'd see things i'd never see
she brightened her perspective
then i got more selective
i was in love with a girl on lsd

Tom Petty "Girl on LSD"




girl on LSD

This is the end, my only friend, the end

i may be paranoid or i may be wise

get on the floor and dance with me - michael jackson

So sometimes, on occasion, I dance in my underpants in the mirror. And I swear to God I'm like the sexiest motherfucker on the planet. And you get this impression of yourself like yeah I'm an okay dancer, no scratch that, I'm a great dancer. But let's think about this. Most dancing opportunities occur at some social event, where we've undoubtedly had a couple of drinks in us. A song comes on that your mirror is very familiar with and your like "i got this bitches!". But you have no mirror, and who knows maybe your shoulders or hunched creating some hobbit like effect, or your mouth is slack hanging open like some kid on the short bus, or maybe your mirror is some kind of freaky time warp and you've still been practicing those ever elusive moves from that junior high school dance, you know the one were you felt you were 12 and everyone else around you was like 20. So really folks are we really as good of a dancer as we think? I remember one time I had one too many Rieslings at this wedding and I became that bridesmaid, yeah that bridesmaid. Prince's song "Kiss" came on, and I shit you not I ran to the dance floor and reenacted scene for scene, with the exception of the floor sequences, the entire "Kiss" video. Only problem was it wasn't the dance portion of the evening, they hadn't even actually served the main course yet. So people are sitting at the banquet tables, while I'm like a maniac on the floor being my own private dancer. It was definitely a moment. And to this day that one drunk uncle from the wedding, every time I see him is still like "I like you girl! You really know how to party". And I'm like could this have been avoided if it wasn't for that damn mirror. Think about it people, think about it.

I'm so bored

i like his hands the best

i might be too much for you to hold on to. but please try for me.