So I am officially the cheapest motherfucker in all of LA and its outlying suburbs. It's hot today. Very hot. Yet I absolutely refuse to use my air conditioner. I'd rather watch myself dehydrate and start to get blurry vision spots from heat stroke than turn on my air conditioner and watch the precipitous fall in my gas gage. Nope not gonna do it! So as all the other cars pas me by with the windows tightly shut as the inhale the cool breeze from their a/c I have all four windows down and embrace the hot air as it singes my nostril and causes a sweat band to form where my seatbelt lays on my chest, so that it looks like I have a dick and pissed on myself in an upward arch. Of course this strategy required me to stop at 7/11 for my coke slurpee fix. There's nothing I love better than driving with a coke slurpee in my cup holder. After pushing past the sweltering hordes for my fix I made an observation. I wish the slurpee people could devise a way to keep the slurpee as perfect as it is when you first get it from the pump. When it comes straight from the tap its perfectly mixed and fluffy and the closest thing to perfection that me or you will ever see in our lifetime. But after a couple of minutes you run the risk of sipping out all the coke out pf the ice, so you get this hard tasteless ice and then a layer of melted watery coke. This requires constant stirring. Short of just putting my mouth directly on the slurpee dispenser (don't think I won't do it) I can't think of anything to fix this problem. So I ask you dear readers, all two of you, join me in a letter writing campaign to address this pressing national problem.
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