She lives in my lap

How to Stop Your Dog From Humping

1. Step 1

   Yell "NO!," clap your hands, or make other sudden, loud noises when you catch your dog humping. Some people suggest using air horns or other really piercing noise-makers, but that's a bad idea. You don't want to make your dog deaf.

2. Step 2 Ask your vet to give your male dog an injection of female hormones and see if that helps.

3. Step 3
   

   Exercise care if your male dog seems to have somewhat feminine physical characteristics, such as extra weight and hard-to-notice genitals. Other dogs might mistake him for a female. The best thing you can do in this case is to train your dog to sit on command. That way the amorous males won't find anything they can penetrate.

Step 4 - What the hell! I have a hermaphrodite dog that is on 'roids that is possibly deaf and in danger of being raped. This is the worst advice ever. Like ever!