So I just got out of the shower and I'm sitting on my bed brushing my unruly hair. I hear this loud sound, the sound a car makes when it hits another car. I jump up and look out the window and some motherfucker hit my car! And I start to yell out the window and then I'm like oh shit I have no clothes on. So I'm trying to find something to throw on and my roommate comes in like gangbusters and is like "someone hit your car!" and I'm like "I know!". We are yelling at the top of our lungs like maniacs. I wrap a towel around my head in this like Marge Simpson turban style, and throw on my "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" short silk robe (hey it's Oscar de la Renta bitches) and run out the house. And my roommate is like "he left!" And she jumps in her car and is like "Get in! Let's go get him!". At that moment, I had a quick flash of like am I really going to do this, I'm fucking naked, in the street, and I don't think I really properly tied this robe tight. But I jump in the car anyway and she's like there he is and we speed down the block and do some ill Dukes of Hazzard blocking with the car, and I hop out the car like Daisy, except I use the door handle and I kind of have to duck a little to get the towel turban all the way out. Instead of some guy its some litttle old African lady. And I'm like "open up!" like I'm the police or something. And she looks so scared, and I get all tough and gully, you know in my robe. I'm like I need to see your insurance, license, and fuckin' blood type NOW!!! And then she's like I have to get my license at my house and she gives me her car keys and goes off in the night. And I look at Christine, like woh dude. And then I notice that a cadre of Mexican men are on the corner, and then I'm like oh shit I have to get some clothes on. Except my house is like a block away, and Christine is picking up on the gangsta vibe and is like I'm going to watch this bitches car to make sure no funny business goes down, so I had to walk by myself back to the house. So I did the walk of shame times like a thousand. I'm in my fucking robe and flip flops, with a towel around my head, and I'm pretty sure I flashed my left tit when I ran out the house, and let's not forget the full frontal window show. Strangely enough after I put on clothes I feel less badass. The lady comes back, she just seems scared and pathetic, I start feeling like an asshole, there's no damage to my car really, and before I leave I show her how to turn on the car lights because she said she just bought the car and couldn't figure it out. And yeah so that's Tuesday night for you.
1 comment:
Again, the most interesting thing i've read all day.
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