no one wastes time quite like i do

the most challenging part of my job is the last three hours. nothing fucking happens! i go way deep inside my head, reliving old shit, coming up with stupid ideas, continuously recalculating my salary. you know SNL 1991 "deep thoughts" type of shit. then when I get bored with that after 10 minutes I spend my time laughing at the crackheads who inhabit the neighborhood milieu. today was pure comedy. there was one guy and he had two paper coffee cups, apparently one contained bird seeds, which he proceeded to throw everywhere. every time i looked at him he did this "i'm your private dancer, dancing for money" type of jig. then one of our regular customers came out and lit up a joint which he for some reason he shared with this guy. when the kid finally demanded his joint back, the crackhead started to cry hysterically. i think my manager thinks i'm crazy because i'm always laughing deliriously, seemingly at nothing. there's also my favorite comic duo, who i call Rerun and Big Shirley. But not from What's Happening, but like Rerun and Big Shirley from What's Happening Now. Remember that, it was terrible. Like everyone was grown up, Dee was married, Rog had that annoying wife, who later became a cast member on In Living Color. Rerun wasn't adolescent chubby anymore, or ha ha fat, but now morbidly obese, and ambiguously gay. Big Shirley looked like she worked at some brothel in Nevada and her afro was seriously downsized from 70s fabulosity to like early 1980s Al Jarreau. I digress. but yeah so this one guy looks like an old Rerun, and the other is this fat kid who reminds me of Big Shirley (even though he's a guy and like 21, 23 tops). But he's fat, and he's always wearing shorts, even on nights like tonight when its nipple hardening weather. Anyway these two geniuses set up this sony boombox and act like its '94 in bedstuy. bobbing their heads, doing riffs, one acting like a hype man. It's so so so ridiculous. but entertaining nonetheless. after about an hour of this i go into my paranoid, crazy time. today i topped my own personal best by speculating a man i know is actually a woman, b/c his wife and her girl crew seemed suspiciously i don't know, like not into men. it was like one of those pictures where your supposed to figure out what doesn't belong. anyway i ran with that thought for a full 20 minutes and had the incredible burden of thinking i was the only person who knew this huge secret. then i got cold and put the heater on my desk and this girl came up to me and said i was heating my uterus. and then some guy fell off a stool.